Most of the time we spend as kids we are unaware of the reality of the world around us. Sure we may see our parnents interact to situations that shape out lives and future, but we are never fully awaked to who we are to be as adults.
I grew up in the slums of the south. My mother was never present and I was basically raised by a sister that was just 10years older. As I becames older I became very uncertained as to what my furture would be of if I was to even have one. I was never remotely pointed into the right directions. My childhood did install one basic need into me. The need to survive.
By this I mean the need to do what ever is nessary to fuction with in society with out needing the basic nessecities. When I was 17 years old I had sex for the first time and concieved my first child. Ha. I was never sat down and given the " Ol Birds and bees" talk. My mother was just simply to involved in her own life. She left us in a 4 bedroom house in the worst part of town lacking MANY utilities. We had no electricity in some parts of the home and no bathroom sink. There was pest of just about every kind. I continued high school and graduated, even went to college.
A feeling of resentment grew for my mother with in me. To this day I call her by her first name. The irony come from the fact that when I was a child I wons many awards, one in which was for a essay that I did when I was 7 on what my mother ment to me. When setting out to write it I wrote of the things I wish my mother had been.
She is by no means an uneducated lady. She is a college graduate with a degree in nursing and she is also an Ordaned pastor. Watching her all my life has helped me identify who and how I wanted to live mine. I knew I didn't want to be the person that she is, I didn't want to live her life. When I had my girls I made a choice to do all that she didn't do and be who she wasn't. I became a better person for not being a carbon copy of her.Sad... I begin Identifying traits that I wanted to have and found people that pocess them. I learned to watch people and picked up how I should behave. That is how I can to identify me.
wow what an amazing life you have lead. We all have challenges in our lives and it sounds like you have had more than your fair share especially as a young child. We all have the ability to make our own chices as to how we should perform in society and thats exactly what you have done. Ive never been one to belive the line of"well it happened to my mother/father thats why I did it too". We all make a concious chice to do what we do in our lives. You have had the good sense to make your decisions early as how you wanted to live your life, you should be commended for that. Im sure that you are a great mother and do all you can for them thats a fantastic gift to give them, you cant buy that in a store. Congratulations for doing such a good job, I commend you for your bravery and deturmination and strength. GO GIRL!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words. I wish I could send you mail but I can't. Be safe
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