Friday, December 18, 2009

I fell in and out of love

A childhood love from long ago contacted me and we kinda picked up where we left off. He promised that which every man promises but ceases to live up to. He seem so genuien that I couldnt help but to walk full speed ahead ignoring all red flags. Since I started to talk to him again I found myself getting a second wind sort to speak. I started walking , yoga and shooting for everything I had wanted to but was too scared to shoot for. Then reality started to set in. Little by little I was seeing what he didnt want me to. He live with the mother of his child, Broke his word and lacked the ability or the want to openly communicate with me. I didnt know where he lived and had begun to get gut feelings about him.

One thing that people always ignore it their intuition. God gave it to us for a reason. I would have rather had taken the red flags ahead of time in oppose to seeing why their were so many in the first place. Yea I loved him and yea he made me happy but what was the hidden cost? And is it worth it? I know I deserve more then a man that may or may not be in a commited relationship with someone else. Happy Holidays and enjoy your life!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Time changes all things

I haven't written in a while because a lot has changed. My twin got sick and January and died in june. It has taken alot out of me but I will be back to unleash more of my take on the world around me and that ways of life. Until then be safe and careful. Remember that it could always be worst.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Lonesome is the world

Not many know it but I am a twin. My brother Christoper is 4 hours younger then me and a tad bit bigger. He was found to have a tumor on his kidney and needed an operation. On January 23 he went in to the operating room at 7:05 in the morning and flat lined on the table. He was revived and has not awaken since. My heart broke.Literally. The fact that he had called me at 6 that morning and asked me to see him before he went under weighed heavily on my mind, as I was unable to do so. For the past days I have been lonely and feeling rather dull. I miss him dearly. He is in stable condition and has been fighting to wake. But to see him in his current state is a means in which a person could go mad. He is a heavy and stocky man. For him to be in such a defenseless state is heartbreaking. My brother was deeply religious and loved god. He paid 10% if not then close to it out of every check to tithe. He attended church regularly and is one of the most kind hearted men I know. I am lonely. I MISS HIM. With each ring of the phone I am hoping it is him. He will get better of this, I am sure. But all the same I am lonely. When I go to see him I tell him of my days at work and home. I know he can hear me and all of the others that take the time to visit him. We all sit there waiting on his eyes to open and his mouth to move. Please pray for him and his speedy recovery, because with out him the world is lonesome.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The world we live in

I haven't been on for a while and for that excuse me. I have alot on my page. I have be a busy bee.

There is a lot that has been going on in the world that deeply disturbs me. There is a record lack of compassion and humanity. Crimes are being commit ed in record number and the suspects that virtually no conscience.

America has become very turbulent in the recent years. I personally feel that we have grown to be more open to what is actually going on in the rest of the world not just the invisible boundaries put on paper. We have learn to also look at the atrocities with in other nations and visualize our selves in others shoes. I have learn alot of myself in the last couple of days alone.

My brother has been sick and is need of a operation. He has been worrying about not having a place to live or a job to be able to improve is situation. Now he is in the hospital so he can't look for a job and even when he gets out there are virtually no jobs either way that could support him. This could be the reason why his present state has not gotten any better. The fear of the unknown and the future can and have been proven to be too much for some people to handle. He has high blood pressure at 27 and they can't get his heart rate down. The lack of insurance has created a whole nother set of problems. Like a never ending cycle. He in all logic can't win for trying.

People are dying as a type. Not of natural causes but the causes of man have had and greater hand. Man on man or brother on brother, it remains the same.... senseless killings. There is outrage by the world as a whole but the governing authority has yet to stop or take control over any of it. A guy was shoot in the back while handcuffed on the ground in l.a...... the killer(officer) has resigned instead of going thru with an formal investigation. There are some that may never let others be their equal.

A woman kills her baby and hides it so that she could go back in to her partying life style..... What kind of monster... I can't for the life of me understand what some people tell them selves to rationalize their actions and sins. A man rapes his daughter and the mother of the child helps.I can't rationalize it. The world we live in is not the world we grew up in and that is the tragedy.


About Me

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Iam short. I have a smart mouth. I love my life. Love my girls.